1 :: I am not a PLUS! subscriber
diary-x seems very concerned that I am not a PLUS! subscriber. They do not seem so concerned that I wear diapers or drink tea made from bags of dead maple leaves. They also do not seem to care that my computer is bolted onto the ceiling and I float up there to surf on the Internet. Maybe that is because diary-x is so accepting. I love you diary-x!
Today when I woke up I went outside and then I climbed onto the roof. On the roof I yelled to everybody that the sky was poisonous today and I threw ping pong balls at them to prove my point. They gave me strange looks so I climbed the tree by my house that is ten times taller, but I fell out. I used my superhuman powers to reattach my limbs and I raced inside to setup a diary-x account so now I can tell all of you! What a great day!
I think that maybe now it is time for me continue digging my hole. I dug a hole from the attic to the living room and then to the laundry room and now I am digging in the basement to find pirate treasure! Arrrrrr, pirates are rich!
Happy hole digging everybody! Iceland is cool!
2 :: Ice Cream
Hurray for ice cream cones! Today I ate 4 or 7 ice cream cones and they were good. And they were strawberry or chocolate. Now I am running around the walls screaming and waving my feather in the air!
Last night I was busy talking to my friend, whose name is Freddy and he told me that it is nice to live underground. I argued with him. I told him that the moon comes out and sings to me. It sings songs about the man in the other tree and the jaguar and the puma and goats. Lots and lots and lots of goats! They eat tin cans for breakfast! And lunch! And dinner! They should eat something else because I need tin cans for my research. I am a scientist and I collect rods. I put my rods in the blender and blend them up and then I put them in cans on my shelf. And then I put the cans in bottles!
It is almost time. Time for the red and the purple and the green jelly! Hurray for jelly!
3 :: Stykkishóimur
I have left Reykjavik! The other day I decided that I didn't want to live there any more because the birds weren't as nice as they used to be when I fed them and my hot spring was drying up so I packed up all my stuff in a bicycle basket and moved to Stykkishóimur.
My new house is fantastic. I don't need windows anymore because I can see outside when I look up. I live in a hole in the ground! There are strange pockets of electricity everywhere. I don't even have to plug anything, wow!
This morning when I woke up I climbed up to the surface and the sun was shining and the lemmings were cavorting in the glen and there were lizards in the meadow and I drank some orange juice. It came from grapefruits. And then I came back inside because I had so much exciting stuff to tell the world and Iceland and all my friends in Chile. Now I am going to go to the hall of the mountain king. So long!
4 :: The Planet Clyde
Last night I had a dream. In this dream, aliens were circling above my head and muttering my name. And there were frogs dancing, blue and green frogs, but I didn't care. They were going to take me home they said. Then they went away. I stared at the ceiling for a while and then I decided to update my diary-x. Strangely, I have still not woken up from the dream. I do not know what that means.
One time I was going to Iceland with my friend Jerry and he said that I was a turtlefaced buffoon. I questioned Jerry's judgement and also I pushed him down a fjord. Hahaha, those wacky Scandinavians!
Now is the time that I am going to run around the yard until the flowers scream bloody murder and I fall down like a bad tiger.
5 :: I am not currently a horse!
As the title implies, I am no farm animal. Far from it, I am a supersmart seaturtle. I swim in the sea and stroll on the sand and I solve the problems of the marine life.
My friend named Roger is a carpenter. Yesterday he tried to build me a door but I told him that I don't need a door for my hole. Instead he will build me a little tent to protect me from the sun and rain.
Tomorrow I am going to the moon. A long time ago a lady went to the moon and she didn't come back and she ate some pretzels. I like pretzels!
Goodbye, and fjords are precious like precious stones or jewels.
6 :: Everything
No, said the traintrack to the girl. I am not going to go with you to the store and that is final! The girl was sad because she had no company. She wandered all over the abandoned lot looking for someone to be her friend. The brick wall was unresponsive as was the tall grass. She sat down and waited. Night soon fell and her eyelids grew heavy. She passed out of consciousness and into the realm of the Sandman. She was racing on the underside of a rainbow in a pink and orange banana and laughing. She landed in a pool of marshmallows and laughter. Her hair was made of lilies and her toes were silly little hedgehogs. Martha came and picked her up only to set her down on the rings of a moon. She looked out at all the stars and every one smiled back at her. They sang a song to her in a language she didn't know. She didn't care, she just closed her eyes and listened.
When she woke up she was in bed. She got up to look out the window, and there she saw a penguin and a leopard. They were playing wiffleball under the big maple tree. Then they vanished.
7 :: Esoteric? Maybe!
The big ship is sailing into the bay. Maybe tomorrow I will go on it and see the vikings. I like vikings because they are similar to pirates except they are all blond and wear horns. Arrrrrr, pirates are rich!
My chair said it didn't like the rest of my furniture last night and left. That would have been acceptable except for the fact that I don't have any other furniture! Now I sit on the floor all day and eat potato chips and ice cream and lemon bars.
My very favorite fourth-and-a-half cousin called me today to tell me he is going to visit tomorrow. I am so excited! I haven't seen him for a long, long time. He is married and has three kids and a car and a dog and lots and lots of windows! Speaking of windows, goodbye!
8 :: Rainbows!
Today is the day of rainbows and bricks and futons and glorious, glorious teddy bears. Never before have we seen such spectacular egregiousness, and we may never again. Oh my, I am indeed quite grave!
If my name were Frank I think I would start a resturant and call it Formica's and serve hamburgers with chocolate and lots and lots of carrots. Then I would become rich and I could buy things like a car and a boat and a new pillow!
I am so excited now that I am going to do somersaults!
9 :: Retyqefunopwa!
I have lost control of language. Keishg,eriog. Eaosngtslketnasdlfas. I suppose it is annoying sometimes. Akengoianasgdoiaesjr. I find it hard to communicate. Aw efoinaweg aw4eknadlkaieo4ng asoknsdoijpoi. Maybe I will attempt another entry on a day when I can communicate. Uiaongalskhdp;aksef asdlkngasdlf,sa dfkansdasd lk asf a;sdfjasdfl sad;lfkja sdgha;lsdjpoawejasdklhsdkfhajsgdfsadgfj seuahsdlfjapossoe as cc x ksmsejw,emks dfa!
10 :: A siesta!
Clyde is taking a siesta! He may wake up soon!
11 :: A triumphant return!
I have become victorious over the Marguon race in the battle for planet Clyde. It was an arduous battle, and I do not bandy the term arduous about lightly. I have used up all or mostly all of my precious resources including: Fruit-Loops, cherry flavored hand grenades, green and purple and blue and orange laser beams, ultra stealthy black laser beams that glow black in the black darkness of space and Swiss Cake Rolls. Yes, gentle readers, it was a near catastrophe. However, I have won back my home planet for my noble and flamboyant race, Clyde. Sadly, I am the last remaining member of this race, as I discovered while watching a late-night infomercial in the hole-in-the-ground near Stykkishóimur, Iceland that I like to call home. I have come back to Iceland after the battle to collect my things but I must soon return to retain the planet for my heritage and my culture. I am not quite sure yet how to get an ISP on Clyde, but I am sure I will find a way. Hoohah!
12 :: The branch!
I was driving to my new home planet Clyde today in my spaceship and there was a fallen tree branch lying right in the middle of the road. Now normally this would be no cause for alarm. However, I was in space and there are no trees in space. I did my best to avoid the treebranch and carry on. I have succeeded in finally moving all my things to Clyde. I solved the internet connection problem by purchasing a really, really, really, really good wireless modem. It is fast too. I imagine there might not be much to do on the planet Clyde either, so I really hope my internet access works out. I am contemplating cloning a female version of myself to repopulate the planet but I am not quite sure yet on the specifics of such a project. I will update again once I have gotten underway.
13 :: The return!
It is I, Clyde! I have bathed long enough in the hotsprings of my native land with my friends Magnus Albertsson and Albert Magnusson and now it is time to return to that magnificent candy-coated wonderland that is the Internet.
After a long decision-making period, I decided that living on a deserted planet wasn't for me. You see, there weren't any people nor was there anything to do. It wasn't quite all it had been cracked up to be. I returned in my resplendent spaceship and landed somewhere in the west of Finland. I immediately went to the store of groceries to stockpile confectioner's sugar, artichokes, patio furniture and 20-inch Huffy BMX-style bicycles, just in case. I then returned to Iceland once I had determined that I was indeed on earth and wandered to the nearest airport. I clambered onto the back of a flying whale and, averting volcanoes, weaved my way down to a health spa where I mingled with the locals for about 24 days or so. I like horses and teal! Hurray for pirates!!!
14 :: The snowpanda!
Ahhhhhh, I am being chased at a brisk walk by an abominable Icelandic snowpanda!!! Granted, it can only move at 7 km/h, but it is so inexorable! I have stopped at a roadside cafe for an alfalfa and salami sandwich but with the sight of the snowpanda, which I will from now on refer to as 'Frederick', looming closer and closer, I could hardly enjoy myself. I have heard tell that 'Frederick' can't stand the infamously brightly colored Lisa Frank merchandise so I am in search, nervously, of any pink and/or purple school lunchboxes and folders that I can find. Unfortunately, Icelanders are too fashionable to own any, so I may have to call Greenland later on this evening if I get a chance. It comes ever closer and closer!!!!!!
15 :: The escape!
Luckily 'Frederick' was evaded. I am going to go to the store to buy some paste and some vegetables and some laxatives and some VIDEO GAMES!